Too Helpful

I wish they would go away.
Tonight I discovered that the reason they are so concerned about me and my being on medicine is because of the increased risk of suicide.
(Can any one point me in the direction of proving or disproving that?)

I just cannot let that keep me from doing what I know is best for me and my body and my family and my marriage and my life.
Do they know what kind of thoughts I had BEFORE meds?
Do they know what kind of picture torture your mind?
Do they know that even now, off meds and doing really well, I still have a rare " picture thought" that is not condusive to health?
I know that it is not bad.
I know how to stop that video that can so quickly play out in your brain.
I had one tonight.
They would be horrified if they knew the picture I had to put out of my mind.
Of course they would blame it on the medicine.
But once again, I choose to believe that it is the voice of ignorance that speaks these things.
I have to believe it.
If they were not ignorant and said such...
I chooose to believe they are ignorant.

Back to the suicide.
I was never suicidal before meds.
But I came to understand how depressed people can so easily, ruthlessly, disgustingly end their own life and think nothing of it.
Or seemingly think nothing of it.
I have not been suicidal since being on meds.

Why do they continue to try fixing what aint broke?
Why can they not open their ears to the true pain?
Why can they not be okay with the fact that their help is not helping?