Day of Hope

CarlyMarieProjectHeal.
She does some amazing work.
Today she has banded her BabyLoss Sisters.
For "Day of Hope".

Hope for Healing.
Hope for Grace.
Hope for Love.
Hope for more.
Hope to go on.

And I wait.
On my BabyofHope.
I had hoped...
so still and quiet.
Hoped.

But 'tis Hope deferred.
And I wait.

Waiting... again

So long I've been gone.
 It's all been good.
So much healing.
Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally.
Even spiritually.

It's all coming along, slow but sure.
 And today, the waiting begins again.
There was a tiny life and now it is gone.
All along I've felt so strongly that
"God's got this".

 I rest in the knowing.
I long to be rested.

CouldaWouldaShoulda

Today is a hard day.
 I can hardly bear to admit it.
I have no solid idea what I need or want form today.
I just know that I can't stop crying.

So many things I wish I could undo.
So many things I wish I could redo.
So many things I wish I could just do.

 I felt it coming yesterday.
So many memories.
so many fears.
 So many tears.

I thought I'd be ok.
 I guess I am, it just doesn't look the same as expected.
 I'm not sure how to clear my head.
 I've not had problems with this day before.
Maybe that's good.
Maybe that is just a sign of how much more I need to pay attention.

 Coulda done better.
Woulda done better.
Shoulda done...

 But I did the best I could every moment of the way.
Maybe it did turn out best.
That's so hard to know.
 So hard to understand.

 What I do know is:
It's done.
 I can't undo it.
I did my best.
Most the pain is gone except what lives in my heart.
 Maybe one day that will be different too.