CouldaWouldaShoulda

Today is a hard day.
 I can hardly bear to admit it.
I have no solid idea what I need or want form today.
I just know that I can't stop crying.

So many things I wish I could undo.
So many things I wish I could redo.
So many things I wish I could just do.

 I felt it coming yesterday.
So many memories.
so many fears.
 So many tears.

I thought I'd be ok.
 I guess I am, it just doesn't look the same as expected.
 I'm not sure how to clear my head.
 I've not had problems with this day before.
Maybe that's good.
Maybe that is just a sign of how much more I need to pay attention.

 Coulda done better.
Woulda done better.
Shoulda done...

 But I did the best I could every moment of the way.
Maybe it did turn out best.
That's so hard to know.
 So hard to understand.

 What I do know is:
It's done.
 I can't undo it.
I did my best.
Most the pain is gone except what lives in my heart.
 Maybe one day that will be different too.