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Changes in my brain. I have had tons of probems trying to talk. Either the totally wrong word come out or nothing at all. Both are frustrating. But even bigger, they are very tiring. At my worst in the last year, an hour converstion would absolutely wipe me out. Even though during that hour I did far less than half the talking, and lots of single syllable words. It was that much work to think. That same difficulty carried over into other things. Like Typing. And sewing. And reading. And cooking. And some days I could hardly walk. My foot or feet would drag and I tripped on nothing. I am to the place that I can sew, but I am pretty slow. And wear out pretty quickly. I can type fairly well. Please don't judge ANYTHING I send right now bc we have an ad on keyboard and it is hard to type on. But I donthave the problem of typing everything one letter off like I did. I have been working on cooking. Reading is a loong way off. Depending on how tired I am, I can read a paragraph to several pages till the words just become letters that swim on a page. My comprehension goes to zero. In fact some days the words truly become letters. When I am tired or stressed, I feel like I have a glass wall in my head. Imagine being in a store with glass walls to the outside. If you walk into the glass at a "tearing up jack speed", you would probably bouce backward. And be in pain. But if you want to go out you have to go through that wall so you try again. And again. Till you find the door or break the glass. That is how my brain physically feels. Like I hit a glass wall (don't see it coming), bounce back and have to keep trying. I could give up but that means I would be stuck with whatever I was doing. This happens most when I am trying to articulate and problem solve. I rarely have the anxiety attacks with it anymore, but getting through requires pateince from the people around me. The physical translation of all this is: when you experience PTSD, your brain literally fries a curcuit. Or 2 or 12. When you are trying to move forward and heal, that glass wall is connections trying to go through the old pathways. Getting up and trying again is how your brain build new pathways around the dead/injured part of your brain. Some days I wish I could take my brain out and watch t work. It is so painful in very specific spot. I wonder what it looks like. All of this has gotten so much better. But I still have a ways to go. Reading my Bible is almost impossible. I see the print of the page behind showing through and it registers as "words" although obviously you cant really read it. I feel like someone is stirring my brain with a spoon - as Lynnelle puts it. I finaly found a bible that has a bit thicker paper but you can still seee through them and it is hard beyond words. Plus the format is so busy. I just cant assimilate it. I have one bok I can read the best of any. It is good sized font and most pages have a fair amount of spacing. That book has become my go-to book when I want to read. Thank God it is interesting and useful info. It is about how to use common herbs medicinally. From a very practical and commonsense standpoint. :) Probably the worst part of all this is how it affects my kids. That is what has made the last year so hard. I could not think to do what was most basic much less take care of my children. Now it is still lingering in the disclipline realm. It is hard to know when the boys are just being bad or if they are pushing bc I am not on top of my game.