Truth

I wish I could be honest even with my close friends about how I feel.
I wish I could describe to them the terror, fright, anxiety.
I wish I could have them feel the blood pressure and pulse surge to the point of choking.
I wish I could just find the words to tell the truth of my pain. Pain both emotional and physical.

The contractions that beat me apart.
The pushing that bruised me so.
The incision that scarred me forever.
The wound that pulls and pains.
The part of my brain I am missing. Never to find again.
The sprain in my stomach.
The pulse in my cervix.
The headaches. O the headaches.
My complete inabilty to sit up in bed for months.
The tears that never stop.

And the hatred that wells up in me when they say it is no big deal.
It maes me so so so angry.
I want to punch something.
Preferably them.
Punch the daylights out of them. When they come to I want to hear the truth about how they feel.
I have no doubt that burried under all that "epis are great" and "c-sections are no big deal" facade, I would find pain and sorrow. A bit of remorse. And wonder at what could have been...