More Business of Being Born

I started watching it today.
I didn't know what to expect.
I should have known.

I want to cry.
I want to give birth.
I really want to hunker down and go to sleep.

I have not been feeling real well.
This storm of emotion and struggle really brings out my need for sleep.
But more than needing sleep,
I long to be nurtured.
I long to be supported.
Moments ago I realized I need a post-partum doula.

I have just been "off" since my Serenity loss.
Now in the last cycle I think I had a blighted ovum.
I am so ragingly hormonal.
Puberty might be easier.

I have done the best I could today.
I finally packed up my boys and went for a drive.
When I stopped at the neighbors and talked to several friends, I just wanted to tell SOMEONE how I felt. How dry.
How sad.
How longing.
How tired.
How panicky this rain makes me.

Instead, we chatted about cider and apples and how I can't can.
Totally made me feel better.
(I also own oceanfront property in Arizona.)

Today is almost over.
Then I can start over.
I pray I will be born a better mama tomorrow.
I pray to be born